This is the haaaaapppy circle..

I hate myself--I fell for it....if only for a moment

2007-07-11T09:45:44Z

Sometimes I hate being able to see what others can't. I hate noticing how easy people are swayed and how willing we are to go with the motion of things.

Today, I had a reality check on myself when i realized I spent a complete hour straight on myspace. And I said to myself, "WTF AM I FUCKING DOING?!?!?!?!"

I hate it. When I watch calculated movies where they have that perfect calculated moment with just the perfect words and just the perfect music and what not--I fall for it. If the audience is meant to cry, I cry too. If they are meant to laugh...okay I don't laugh. I only laugh when it's funny...but in anycase!!! When I'm meant to be scared, I get scared. This is all regardless of the fact that I am not actually sad, or scared...it's just that they figured out the formula and the subconsious part of me I have no control over just goes with it.

So...I'm going to try and break this annoying addiction to lurk on other peoples profiles---who I don't even know. I just enjoy doing it. WTF---IDK!!! I just do. It's like there's some drug imbedded into my screen when I typed in myspace and de dot comness.

Sigh....how sad and pathetic i feel at this moment. I made myspace as a place to sharedthe pictures I make when I'm bored and to enjoy the conversastions among real people with interests that interest me. I didn't make it to how much she or he has in comments in pics or how much my adoring 12879873 friends think I'm fucking hawt and what not. I hope it never comes to that. Being popular sucks anyway.

I suppose everyone wishes to be adored by all. And I suppose that's why people resort to boring half-naked dressed up pictures of themselves that span 7+ pages and pray hor a million comments so they can feel much more secure of their premeditated beauty and how fuckable they are.

The world is sad today...And the most depressing part of it is that I'm part of it too in one shape or form. I'm part of the reason why the world is sad too . i'm not perfect. So I accept my place but at least I can see it. I feel like I can live with myself better if I at least realize and have the ability to be able to know what is going on. Unlike the masses of them out there. Who are probably sitting on their myspace right now refreshing the page every hour upon the hour in hopes of a new comment, a new PICTURE comment nonetheless.

It's 5:37 AM---I can't sleep so I chose to ramble on. Did you know I hate blogging on myspace? I don't write honest blogs there that have a piece of me attached to it like I do here. In my heart I feel it almost isn't right because I don't think anyone would really get it anyway. They would just take it the entirely diffrent way.

naknak @ 2007-06-01T02:28:00

2007-06-01T06:49:59Z

I wish the few people I truly hated wouldn't bother me so much. I want so much to forget and ignore them becausei wish I could not care. when i see them my attitude switches into this hainus mode in which I desire to be good at everything they are good at and to accomplish more than they ever will. Because I hate them I want them to feel lower than me and to hate me out of spite and jealousy. Because it is then that I will feel satisfaction and I can bask in the idea that I have defeated some sort of injustice done to me in my life through dealing the fucker a feeling of insignificance when compared to me.

I know all my life I had this attitude of wishing to be above average of everyone else. But it is often I wonder why I have to be that way. I don't know. I'm scared that one day I will meet the person that will beat me in everything that ever mattered to me and I will be crushed in spirit. For a time I felt like I forgot who I was and it is just recently I am starting to come up from whatever pit I got lost in. I want to be strong and not bitch and whine about my life because I am thankful that I have been so fortunate despite my circumstances. But sometimes I just want to admit some evil truth about myself that I know I can't get rid of. I'm ashamed of all of them but I feel better because I have no doubt in my mind that everyone has an unspoken truth that plagues them and eat away at them and makes them ahte themselves despite how much they pretend in front of everyone else.

naknak @ 2007-05-25T07:05:00

2007-05-25T11:13:07Z

Have you ever wanted to break down and cry because you came to the realization that all the great things you wish you could accomplish in your lifetime are not achievable?

That's how I feel right now. I'm in a panic and I feel as if I am in a race against time to do something. But I don't know which direction to take. I like my job as a line cook but I wonder what it will lead to and am terrified that maybe this is not what I'm meant to do. And in my heart, I think I don't want to say it outloud but I think that's what I know to be true...that at the end of mu life would be doing something else. I wish I knew what that was because it would be easy...I wouldn't be so confused.

I miss raiding on my priest with a passion. It hurts I can't do it anymore.

Recently, I've been pushing myself to the very brink of insanity. Staying up when I'm not suppose to, lying awake in the bed as I fight off the inevitable sleep that will take me. I can just lie there for an hour before I go to bed just thinking..just thinking.

I think I need to make a list of things I want to do. I'm straining to think all the time.
I just found out my cute lil cousins have a myspace and I'm freaked out cause I don't want them to see mine. I cried myself to sleep the other night because I kept thinking about what an outcast I am in the family. Sigh..

I feel very crazy and lost.

naknak @ 2006-10-30T22:10:00

2006-10-31T03:16:14Z

Wow...it's been like forever since I wrote in here. I don't know why I decided to start again today..but I suppose cause it didn't feel right posting it on myspace. Livejournal is where it is the bestest!! Yay. Hokai...

So lately it's been school and I have 2 jobs again. Possibly 3 soon but I'm not sure. I got to rent out games for a few days at a time for myself at Gamestop and it made me a happy nak. I forgot how much rpgs make me feel. They give me an escape that not alot of things can. I needed it cause life is so busy lately..but I'm gonna do my best. >< Yes..I shall do my best.

Risingsun.net let me partticipate in their Atlanta horror photoshoot it was so much fun. It felt like being at a mini convention except I didn't drop a bunch of my money on stuffy stuff stuffz. It was cold..and perhaps I shall post the pictures soon. I wish I have more money to con hop around her since there are so many awesome cons I can attend but alas...saving up and I'm such a prude with money. Which..isn't bad.

I've been learning how to cook more for myself. I mean I already knew..but I'm learning how to adapt it to last me on a day to day basis so I don't make the fatal mistake of spending all my hard earned cash to simply go and eat out. It's goos practice too..hehe and it gives me an excuse to go to H-mart and the Buford Farmer's market alot. heheeeee

DAMN YOU BLIZARD...what will i do without my expansion...gaaaaah x_x

naknak @ 2006-01-24T18:08:00

2006-01-24T23:40:31Z

"...You shut your mouth
How can you say
I go about things the wrong way?
I am human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does.."

I can't believe it's almost been 6 months since I am as "out on my own". In other words--away from the family. I live with Allen now. And I have a job that I love having. Lately, I've been loosing my grip on everything. I've been getting dramatic, hating everything and have had the feeling of everything closing in on me...because I know what I am suppose to do. The typical cycle of life..School - College - Job - Family(to start the cycle over again OF COURSE) - die. Why does society expect a certain cycle of life from us anyway? Why am I being dubbed "stupid" for falling stray from this expectation? Do I have to become something great and legendary for everyone to accept me so they can be distracted from the fact that I strayed away from this guideline of how to live your life? I made a promise to myself that I would never submit to the typical cycle of living.

The truth of the matter is that I don't know what I want. I have no idea what I want to do. I wouldn't be suprised if 90% of everyone I know doesn't have a real idea either.

"Who made up all the rules?
We follow them like fools.
Believe them to be true.
Don't care to think them through.
I'm sorry, so sorry, I'm sorry it's like this.
I'm sorry, so sorry, I'm sorry we do this."

I'm getting really tired of explaining myself, hiding myself, lying about who I am and trying to make people understand why I do and act this way. And I realized I did that cause I haven't even gotten to realizing who I am right now. So I don't know..I'm just trying to be on my own now. Trying to see how things go cause I'm not sure of when everything should lead to at the moment. I just know I'm not ready to settled down with college and etc. right now. There's still too much I feel that I haven't found and done yet.

naknak @ 2005-10-02T12:19:00

2005-10-02T16:31:35Z

Ahhh I've been busy with thingy...thing things alot. I went to AWA XI and that was a blast and then this Saturday I got the fine oppurtunity to dance once again at Kalamata's which is now known as Messina's Mediterranean Cuisine...sp yes I know I suck. Anyway I got to try out my sword then. Practice paid off alot and having slow music was fun and amazing cause I got to do so many sensual moves.

Oh right...AWA WAS AWESOME. Hehe I drew seksi things for money and so to match...I dressed ecchi myself. ~Nyo! And to make the weekend perfect I spent 600$ total. Well 545 total..I got the complete set of Trigun and Cowboy Bebop. I am awarre the dubs are fairly decent..but alas I refused to watch a full episode dubbed before subbed. And now I can experience it on my own. In any case...

Yay for corsets. :)

And to make sure no perverts would kidnap me..Allen was armed and ready to protect me!!!! ^^!!!

He was sooooo seksi...*licks my screen* I wuv yooooo

Aaaaaand LOTS of Kalamata pix..

This last one's my favorite. :)

THE END!
<3

Im here dont worry..

2005-09-08T01:51:18Z

Hi hi hi!!!! what up ppl. Yea I'm not dead. Work between Crazy Nickels and Brusters is just tearing me apart the laswt few weeks. In fact, today was my first full day off since the last 2 and a half weeks. But that's kewl. More money for awa. Oh and to prepare, Nak spent her hard earned cash to get a new cybershot from sony and a memory stick for awa too. GO me. THe guy at best buy tried to tell me 256 mb wasn't enough for the con..said it'd be only 45 pix. Liar. Just cause I'm a girl don't mean im not dumb!! I put it in..well what ya know over 150 pix. :P Anyway I used the day to catch up on WoW.

Last night made my feakin week. Check out what my guild mates said to me. The guild mates that have a kajillion 60 chars:

I felt loved. ;_;!!! Meant alot to me honestly..I got a tiny guild but the guildies i loooove. Anyway PICS!!! Here's me waiting impatiently for my group members to come to Scarlet monestary..i go insane x_x

So enough of that... Life at home is kewl. It sucks but doesnt just like it should. Allens top boss at work is in town so he is taken away from me lots lately. But he still gives me love. And lookie! his mommy got a puppy which i do love. He attacks me many times its his way of showing love. I think he is attached to my legs. He never stops biting it. SO sad, he tries so hard and yet..no damage is afflicted. I couldn't get him to look at the camera the damn bastard. This is the best its gonna get.

Oh and danced at Messina's a couple of weeks ago and lookie what the BEAUTIFUL Oracle gave me for 25 buckssss!! It is de sex.

Yes? YES??

YES!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT WAIT!!! Lookkkiiiieeee at what it does /point

Err...wait where did it go?

Oh it's on my head. I forgot, its a Balancing student sword isnt that kewl? >

Oh dear the cam whoreness. I can't help it. My camera I do so love. And also I've been running around lil 5 alot. Now that I have a car I can do that. Oh all the kewl things I got. Ppl there are spiffy. Check out the lil number I got at Junkman's Daughter. I likie. It makes me look all native american.

Woot!

Ya...life sure has been interesting. More updates with pix later.

Peace up!!! A town dooooown. ^_^ The end.

Oh ya I'm offering bellydancing lessons for a spanking 10$ an hour. Call me. 6)852 7353 I'll let ya touch my loong sword teheeee. Seriously though. Just need to know ahead of time to set up a day for ya. ;D

naknak @ 2005-08-21T22:23:00

2005-08-22T02:21:49Z

One of the best days of my life happened yesterday. I...hit level 40 in WoW and I became..

MOUNTED!!!!

Training to ride...18 gold
Reins of a Striped Frostsaber...72 gold
Running while being mounted and being 60% freakin faster...PRICELESS...not really..

And I earned all that on my own too. GO Naaaaaaaak Go Naaaaak. ^_^I cried.

The new life....yes

2005-07-26T01:48:17Z

Things have been pretty stressful since I moved out. Not because Allen, but because of my two jobs. I fucked up last night at Brusters..I tried to tell Brett I couldn't work a sunday cause I'd be too burned out but he scheduled me and I worked the shift cause I'm saving up for college. So yea all the windows at the end of the night were UNLOCKED and one was left OPEN. I kicked myself a million times for overlooking that detail..I couldve sworn people closed it all...I got no excuse, I'm pretty sure. But I was pretty tired..and my head was aching. So I've decided that I'm really sick of Bruster's and am going to tell Brett I'm not gonna be a crew leader anymore. I can't handle more of the stress. I'm quitting soon, sine he ALWAYS goes against my shifts and doesn't care for me to have day shifts.

Who knows...I've been doing shifts back to back having them double up alot lately. And since one of the girls at Crazy Nickels got fired...I take up her shifts so more for me. I'm totalling about 40+ hours per week. I'm tired, I'm sad cause I'm falling behind in WoW. Gah. I only got a few more weeks though so I'm gonna suck it up. The money is good. So that's a perk.

I've got a couple of things to look forward to-- AWA, my new job soon(to those who know..shhhh), bellydancing at Messina's blah blah. So I'm pretty tired. This didn't feel like summer, what with all the work.

And I don't feel any diffrent being at Allen's house than at mine. It felt like I always lived here anyway. Parents are coping. I only cried for one night. Driving sucks cause of gas. Brusters sucks balls. I hate. DEATH!! I'm going to vow to never work with "fast food" again. I guess you can consider it fast..tehe.

I also drove to Lil five by myself th eother day to buy an outfit. It is de sex. Haha.

naknak @ 2005-07-08T01:54:00

2005-07-08T05:56:00Z

Just to let everyone know. I got my license, moved out of my house. And this is my first entry from living with Allen. Please feel free to scream at me for being stupid or whatever reason. The fact of the matter is..even though I'm in tremendous amount of pain trying to cope, I've never felt so sure of myself even when im smothered in insecurities of what is to come. Sigh...I can't believe I did it.

naknak @ 2005-05-15T22:09:00

2005-05-16T02:07:01Z

*sniffs kaji-san's shirt* Ahhhh...loooove

I love everyone! I just danced at the restuarant and Maria was BEAUTIFUL and HOT and so was the renovating. That's all....T.T

naknak @ 2005-05-11T17:49:00

2005-05-11T21:53:01Z

Blah...I've decided that at awa that I will draw nothing but sketches....ECCHI sketches..So anyway Prom was okay, it wasn't a waste going. Allen and I sat this one out and just enjoyed each others spiffy company this time. And I saw so many ugly typical dresses that I'm guessing were far too overly priced and also probably smelled funny. O.O

In any cause I've decided to ditch the wee lil notepad because it was bothering me and started doodling on paper. Here's the stuff I came up with so far-- All in one.

The titles are on the pix. Links for the full versions are below. Yay.

Let's Play ... http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/18182421/
Let's Play Part twooo ... http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/18212131/
Arrr ... http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/18182426/
Ride me ... http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/18182468/

I wish I could design clothes for a living. Everyone would be so hawt. >< And I'd design seksiness for ALL body types. Not just the thin people!! For the people with curves!! Even if its an abundance of curves!! Or the poeple who just like to be conservative and pretty at same time. :D

naknak @ 2005-04-28T20:56:00

2005-04-29T00:56:29Z

Happy happy days. M ymom finally got me enw glasses cause I can never read signs on the road! And when I came over to Allen's...my Kaji-san's present was there!! My flying skirt. Check it out. It really does fly!!! ^^

Thisssh ish what it looks like still...Look! My tummy!!! Im so proud of all the work that took ;_;

I like this one the best ^

I hope you guys had fun. ^^!! And I'm not Hatian..I never knew a mere 10 yards of cottan gauze was capable of that. I wonder what 25 is like..

naknak @ 2005-04-23T16:34:00

2005-04-23T20:34:04Z

I'm practicing being an ecchi artist. Yay! Or at least a bishoujo/bishounen artist since I suck doing manga...for a long time. Anywhoooo heres what I did today while I was waiting to go to work. I wish I could dance in my old room. Stupid guests.

Would you like some ramune? HAHA

The proportions are wierd...but im working on it. i'm trying to work on my foshortening and related matters.

AHHHHH

2005-04-22T04:59:33Z

I'm so frustrated with PEOPLE. All this hopppanana about prom is driving me nuts!! Not for me, my plans are simple, Folks, Prom, sleep. DONE. Everyone else is spending 100+ on a dress they'll only wear once and 398472974382974$$ on a fancy limo and dinner. Whatever. I concluded this is the only time they can be dressed in a cheeply made dress and feel like a princess while being groped. Sorry if that applies to you, just how I feel. Yea I spent 104 on my dress, but guess what? I earned the money and it's something I can wear a million times. Take that.

I told that to some girls in my math class and she flipped out and said I was still following prom traditions, only low key. But I told her there was a diffrence, I wasn't making it a big deal. Prom isn't a big deal. That's what frustrates me. It's a damn dance. Get over it. And since it isn't a big deal, THATs why I'm just annoyed at all the money being spent for a dance.

Sigh--there better be better music. I'm not looking forward to dancing to depressing Amy Lee and MMbop AGAIN. Geez. Although I do look forward to storming the floor when the swing music and latin stuff comes on. I'm growing very depressed with cRAP. Although if you took all the words away, it really is something fun to dance to.

i'm coming early and leaving early. To beat all the assholes in the parking lot who are too wasted or geeked up to pay attention to anything besides getting laid.

naknak @ 2005-04-20T17:54:00

2005-04-20T22:00:56Z

I get to go to Southern Oasis after all!! I can't wait to see Alchemy and Dance of Fates again. OMG I almost cried and my smile was plastered on my face when I saw them preform. *_* I can't wait.

I got flamed in the bellydancing community today because I worded my words wierd and I came out sounding as if I thought overweight bellydancers suck. uuuugggghhh I'm the one that hates my family and a couple of my friends when they say that..I think the dance is beautiful and love how anyone of whatever size, gender, or race can take it and make it their own..I just feel upset because it made everyone else offended. Well---I didn't mean to, but I did sound like it but i was just saying I haven't heard of one that has auditioned for bellydance superstars that was good enough to be mentioned. i never said there weren't any BAD ones AT ALL!!

One tiny mistake in typing and I get crucified. Sigh..Anyway i get to go to the hafla, and I get to see dancers from all over the southeast. I can't wait.

naknak @ 2005-04-14T20:57:00

2005-04-15T00:56:39Z

Sigh...I tld Mari of ALchemy that I cannot make it to SOuthern Oasis. My chest hurts alot now..I'm not kidding I'm pretty depressed about it. Rachel Brice I think went to it last year? But that doesn't matter now. I wanted so bad to see everyone dance at least even if I wasn't doing it. But alas, I can't. Sad, sad, sad Nak...

I'm hoping after high school that I can snatch every oppurtunity to dance and take classes and workshops. My goal is to make up for all these lost ones. Sigh...again.

I shall make it my life goal after high school to get into a Rachel Brice workshop. GAH!!!!

Take that other AP kids that wont look at me >

2005-04-12T00:54:46Z

Haha, today I got a HUGE ego boost in AP Lit when I got my A Lesson Before Dying and Paradise Lost essay tests back. Ms. WIlson graded it on a 1-9 scale basis like the AP board would and I got a 9 on A Lesson Before Dying and an 8 on Paradise Lost. I looked around me and I scored one of the highest in the whole class. I guess it helps that I actually liked the books and read them the whole way through. It's alot better than my first essay, a 60 on freakin Canterbury Tales. I don't even know how to spell it. I just didn't like it, the characters were...okay..well you're interesting but so what. So I didn't bother even Sparknoting it. Oh but it gave me a sick satisfaction that my mere 87 in the class was the lowest in my period but my essays were "one of the best" Ms. Wilson said. ^^ Oh but it made my hand so sore trying to pump out ideas. Ironically, I didn't even think I did that great in A Lesson before Dying..I hated the prompt and took forever to fill out all 4 1/2 of my pages.

Oh oh oh and on another note, I finished BOTH essays with 10 minutes to sleep in each class. So yes..^^!! That's roughly..about 43 minutes each and if Ihave 2 hours to write 3 essays..I should be decent. Now if I can only start scoring higher in multiple choice. I dont get it, why do i SUCK?!?! I did the multiple choice quiz(AP level..) on A Heart of Darkness and I got a 70 and I actually read. Ugh. Well at least I passed. I'm hoping that in the exams in three weeks that I can finally interpret these stupid poems and memorize all these freakin terms.

Siiiigh...AP Lit was awesome this year. I think I'll start joining book clubs when I graduate. I wish I had a real excuse to write essays..I'll make all of YOU read them. AHAHAHAHA. At least I'll be ready in college. I love polishing essays. It took me the ENTIRE year to actually slowly become nifty in timed essays. GO me! 8 and 9!! A personal best. Yay yay yay. I'm shooting for a 4 on the exam..Because its kewl. I regret not trying my hardest on my AP Drawing and Painting exams. Cause I really could've gotten a 4..and maybe a 5 if I was obsessed enough. Oh well..for turning everything in within literally a week and a half and getting a 3 on my portfolio is actually pretty impressive to me though. OH yes. I can't wait to take art classes out of school. I wanna do figure draing classes :D. And maybe practice drawing buildings.

I'm contemplating a career in concept art but...I need ALOT of practice for that..concept art is pretty spectacular.

Yea. Oh! And look!!!! I found SHEK-ZEE!!!!

I am SO asian

2005-03-31T04:11:03Z

I don't know...I was bored and decided..HEY I'll manipulate my photos so I look uber fly. I guess I should say somehtink more so this isn't just a look at me post...well anyway today we had an NAHS meeting and we went through the new teleporter Ms.Kates got for FREE and into the darkroom the seniors went. We decided to collect money for Ms.Nollner and Ms.Kates and buy them new spiffy stuff so they wont have to. I'm hoping everybody is as committed as they were supportive of the idea.

On another note, I am slowly loosing my instinct to look prettier than other girls. It's probably because i like being comfortable vs. in the mind set of "GOD this skirt is annoying..can anyone see my panties?!?!?!"....Ha yea. I'm going to miss all the art/anime/crazy/cooooooool clique(i guess???) at Parkview. Or at least that's what I always thought of everyone I know. You guys are spiffy like jiffy unless you are alergic to peanut butter. Cause I guess if it makes your throat swell like milk makes you throw up..then you wouldn't like it. Oh and Tyler and Peee-lip brought me Chik-fil-a today OMG it was yummy. I stayed awake the whole day. If I hat 3.75 everyday I'd stay awake all day. That really wouldve helped yesterday when I couldn't stop falling asleep and waking up looking like a freak in AP Lit when Ms. WIlson was going on and on in her soothing voice about the contemplation that is Heart of Darkness. On the bright side, I got a raise, and...nothing else really. Life is pretty mellow for now.

Now that I have made this entry other than a HEY LOOK AT ME kinda thing...here ish meeeeeee. *does a jig* ^^ AHAHAHAHAHAH
<(^_^<) ^(^_^)^ (>^_^)>
The middle one is raising the roof!!!!

Me without any make up...just so you know

Me with my hair and leg in some oddddd position

I can see you ^_^

my "I R police" picture

Glasses. I need new ones. According to people I look adorable in them yay!! Score...O.O

naknak @ 2005-03-30T19:18:00

2005-03-31T00:18:34Z

I scored
73%
on the classic 400 Point Purity Test!

Take the test here!

Haha...I ish dirrty. :X. I bet Dilven will score in the 80s-90s. ^^;; Which isn't a bad thing!!!! Anyway...in other news...look what I made in jewelry!! ^_^

Yay, yay, yay.

naknak @ 2005-03-21T19:33:00

2005-03-22T00:33:00Z

Crosposted on the bellydancing community and my journal. :) My teacher Ramona sent me pictures of me dancing in the Hafla! I wish I had more jewelry on but part time job only pays for the basics. ^^ Enjoy! :D

naknak @ 2005-03-18T15:29:00

2005-03-18T20:31:35Z

Sooooo I kinda forgot to tell everyone where I'm dancing at this Saturday....So here you go <.< SORRY. Botantical gardens was sweeeeeeeeeeeeeet...Allens tickling me aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

> Singleton Road Activity Building
> 5220 Singleton Road
> Norcross, GA 30092

> Directions to Singleton Road Activity Building:
>> From 85 get off on Indian Trail heading East
> after 1.5 miles, turn right onto Singleton Road (there will be a CVS
> on the Left)
> Singleton Building will be on your Left - look for the turquoise sign and the
brown building with a large parking lot in front.

naknak @ 2005-03-17T20:45:00

2005-03-18T01:51:33Z

I've realized more than ever now that my love for dance is the only real escape I have from a real possible downfall in my life. Being the romantic that I am I strive to think that if I don't give up and continue to perservere through these depressing days that I will finally be rewarded. I don't think my dream to be a dancer is stupid, just crazy. Who knows how long it will take me to get my own dance troupe and regular gigs, but at least I have my youth and people who love me. In a plutonic fashion anyway. I decided to throw away about 40$ worth of work tomorrow and instead show Allen my dance since he can't come. I think I need it anyway. In fact I don't really mind, summer's coming up and the money is practically going to spill out of my cup.

At the moment I know many certain truths --

a) I'm crazy
b) You're my friend...so you are too
c) I would rather die knowing I tried than die knowing I wasted my life being safe

I think I'm starting to turn into a hippie. I keep saying mellow alot...Anyway, I figured out that I got SUPER depressed bcause perhaps my PMSing came AFTER my period instead of before. Dilven gave me a warm hug in class today so that really helped and Allen gave me lots of hugs and I was reluctant to let go because he was like my own personal radiator.

On a diffrent note my AP teacher Ms.Wilsom shouldn't complain about my Paradise Lost essay's length today. I made up the unsual in-class I missed due to food poisoning of BAD microwavable hamburgers. I totaled out 5 freakin pages. WITH 10 minutes to proofread---I rock. Or I was really riled up over the subject. In any case, I love you aaaall. ^_^

naknak @ 2005-03-16T18:08:00

2005-03-16T23:11:04Z

I'm in a pretty low mood right now. I was hoping Allen would come see me dance on Saturday or at least be there at the end just to say that I did well and to see me in my first real costume. I know he has never missed a preformance till now but it hurts me inside so much that he isn't coming to this one. I know he can't help it because he got work...but I really did wish he has lying to me and this was all one sick joke.

Knowing myself I already know the whole time on Saturday I'll be waiting for him to find me, I know my glance will shift and I'll look up everytime I think I hear the door open...but at the same time, I'll know that I'm waiting for no one really. Because he can't make it at all. I can't stop crying and I'm not mad, I'm just upset that he can't come.

I know some of my friends are coming and I love that you are but it's just..I wanted my most important person there too. So please don't think I'm trying to play you down..I'm just in a pretty low mood right now. Thanks.

my first HAFLA of the year!!

2005-03-11T02:57:25Z

Hey everyone. Next Saturday I get to dance for my teachers Spring Hafla. ^^ I shall be dancing to a solo accordian song by the Cairo Caravan. Oh and today....ahem...

I GOT MY TRIBAL FUSIONRACHEL BRICE</b> DVD!!!!!!!

It was more than I expected and asked for, and my goal for this weekend is to master the reverse enjulation. One of the ahrdest moves in bellydancing(in my opinion) next to the most dangerous turkish drop. I think that's what it's called. Oh but she is my muse and I love her. And now...off to work on my dance!